Sunday, March 20, 2011

Angel of my Life

I still remember the day when I saw her for the first time sitting in the park alone and playing with her dolls. There was something very special about that moment and about her, as if I was attracted towards her and had no control over myself. I walked towards her and stood at a distance to watch her smile and joy. Golden hair, fair complexion, sweet smile and an innocent look in her blue eyes. She was truly an angel. I couldn't resist and I walked to her and sat beside her.

She looked at me and smiled gently. I smiled back and asked her, what's your name sweetheart and she gently replied, Anna. Anna, such a lovely name. What are you doing here all alone, I asked her. I'm playing with Cathy, Suzy, Sharron and Jamie, pointing each doll she had around her. And then I heard a voice from back, Excuse me Sir! May I help you? I stood up, turned around and saw this old man standing with gray hair, white beard, about 5ft 10 inch tall, robust body and a very calm personality. No, thank you, I was just walking by when I saw her, Anna, and couldn't escape her smile, so thought to stop by for a minute and talk to her. I apologize for being in your privacy Sir.

The old man smiled and said, no worries my dear. She is no doubt the darling of all hearts. Everyone stops by to talk with her and see her smile. What's your name Gentleman? Hmmm George. Nice to meet you George. Do you often come to this park? I smiled and said, oh no Sir, I just moved here couple of days ago and thought to explore the surroundings today so someone told me about this park. Yes, this park is the heart of this small town, one of the oldest and the only remaining memory of my childhood, said the old man. I asked him, is Anna your grand daughter? He smiled and said, you can think so. She and I are not related by blood but there is no one for her and no one for me so we both look after each other, right Anna and Anna looked up with such a lovely smile as if she has got all the happiness of the world.

I was curious to know more as usual so asked the old man another question, Sir, if you don't mind, could you tell me why do you say Anna has no one? The old man looked at me and after a pause, asked me to sit by him on the bench. While Anna was busy playing with her dolls, the old man told me that he used to work in a Church when one night someone left Anna in the footsteps of Jesus 2 years back. He tried to look out and ask people coming in the church if anyone saw someone leaving her here but no one knew anything. He contacted the police department, child care centers and various other institutions to find out who she belonged to but got no answers from anyone. An orphanage even accepted to take her charge but there was something about her that I couldn't let her go to live a life of an orphan so I adopted her myself. But now I am growing old and I don't know when Jesus would call me. I am not afraid of dying but I am afraid of what will happen to Anna.

I was touched by the story of Anna and felt it right inside my heart. I left the park and continued with my daily routine life of work and responsibilities towards my family and society. For all these days, I kept thinking about Anna and her life and there was something that was pulling me towards her. Days passed away and one weekend I was back to the park. I remembered the spot where I saw Anna the first time. She was not there today so I walked all around the park to see if she and the old man were there but didn't find them. Then I remembered that the old man told me that he was the father at the Church. There was an old church at the corner of the lane. Without wasting another second, I started walking towards the Church. I don't know why I was doing so, perhaps I was enchanted with some spell or something but it was very strong. As I entered the church, I stopped at the door and sat on the last bench in the corner. Church members were discussing something, something was not right. I couldn't see the old man anywhere but I saw Anna sitting in the center of all people playing with her dolls. I was glad that I could see her again. I walked close to her and as she looked at me she smiled and spread her arms as if she recognized me. There was a silence and all the members of the Church turned around and looked at me. I didn't know what I did. I hope I didn't do anything wrong, did I break any code of Church or I disobeyed any rule. I was speechless. An old nun came to me and said, what's you name child? George. Do you know this child? Not exactly, but I met her couple of days ago in the park with the Father of the Church and he and I talked about for half an hour and he told me all about Anna and her life and how he adopted her. Michael was the Godfather of Anna. Poor child, Michael passed away yesterday. Oh my God, I am sorry to hear about his demise. It is strange, Anna smiles and talks with everyone but she never opened her arms like she did when she saw you George. The only person she did so was Michael. Seems like she likes you. I smiled and told the nun that it is really strange because since the day I have seen Anna; I have not been able to take my mind off her. I asked the nun, so what happens to Anna now? She said, I am afraid we will have to take her to the orphanage where she can be taken care of properly. She then turned back and walked to the members again.

Orphanage, no, this can't be happening. Anna deserves to be a part of family and she deserves to get all good things in life. I had just turned 30 last to last week, single, well established in my job, excelling in career and a perfect candidate for the world of matrimony. My parents were looking out for suitable match and girls in my office were luring around to become my better half. I was ready to start my new chapter of my life, settle down with a nice woman and have couple of children. I was ready to take the responsibilities, and then I thought, if I am ready, then I am ready for Anna too. I think I had made my mind even before I thought about it. I was going to adopt Anna as my child. I walked to the Nun and asked her if I can adopt Anna. This came as a surprise to her and all the other members. She said, are you serious? For the first time in my life, I was serious and knew what I was saying. Yes, mam, I would like to call Anna as my daughter if you all allow me to and I am ready to take all her responsibilities and promise to give her all the best in life she deserves. It was a big decision and a very serious one. Nun said, let us all discuss this and think about it. Leave us your contact number and we shall call you.

I went home and told about my decision to my parents. It came as a shock to them because this was not what they were planning for me. You have gone mad, have you lost your senses, what do you know about parenting, what do you know about the girl, do you have any idea what will this take, were some of their first questions. I said, yes I know what I am saying and I know what I am doing. I am ready for this mom, dad and I assure you I will be as good parent as you have been for all these years to me. It was hard, discussions went on for hours and hours all day but by the end of the day, they all agreed to my decision. I was in love with a person for last 4 years and had an unexpected end to the relationship. She went her way and moved on in her life and I had pretty rough time after the breakup. My family saw all ups and downs of my life and saw me degrading over the period. It was them and my friend because of who I recouped and got back to my life. My life changed a lot, I changed a lot. I was not the same person whom everyone knew 3 years ago. I was a transformed man, and then Anna came as a ray of hope, as a meaning and purpose of life and I knew from the very first moment I saw her that she and I were meant to be together.

Next morning, I got the call from the Church and they said I will have to come by with my family and do the formalities. They will run through background checks and go through all legal formalities to make sure that I am safe and a right person to do the adoption. It took about 20 days for the whole process to complete and I made sure that I spend at least 3-4 hours daily with Anna and the Church members were comfortable with that. Finally the day came and I signed the last document to officially be promoted as a father. I was happy and excited to be the father of this little angel who turned my life in an instance.

Anna will be 21 tomorrow and I am very proud of her. She has been the sweetest daughter and the best friend of me. I cannot imagine my life without her now. I do feel the vacuum in my life which was created when the person I trusted and loved the most walked out of my life 19 years ago and I still miss her and hope that she is in best of her health and life where ever she is but I am glad that I went to the park that day and met Anna. She knows everything and that makes her more special. She keeps looking out for dates for me, she thinks I don't know and she knows that I will never go out yet she looks out for me. I have told her that there is no better date than her in my life and I am proud to be her father.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

The Movie & Me

After a very long time, I went to see a movie in a movie theater and what an overwhelming feeling it was to be the only one in the theater watching it. It's a multiplex (multiple screen theater) and I went to watch this movie called "I am number 4". I expected a very small crowd to see the movie as it never made it to the list of weekly charts but I didn't imagine sitting all by myself in the theater and watching it from start to end. Personally speaking, the movie was not that bad but I agree people wouldn't be going out to see it after a week or 2.

Anyways, it was a nice experience because I had the freedom to sit with my legs on front seat, keep my phone ringer on and check my emails now and then (although no one sends me email these days) and not worry about anyone sitting next to me and staring me with those devilish looks complaining about disturbance. I wish it were a scary movie instead of sci-fi fantasy movie.

This was the 2nd time in my life when I was in such a situation. The 1st time was with my half wife when I met her on her birthday in 2008 after almost an year (we were seven seas apart) and we both went to see a movie. We had few more couples that day watching movie with us, so it was not an exclusive show for us per say. But this time, it was a VIP show for me with no one around. I was all by myself, just me...

Friday, March 11, 2011

What's on the menu for the weekend

It’s Friday night followed by the weekend. So what’s the plan, asked one of my known ones. Well the answer is simple, the regular doze of 2 vodka shots and a peg of Scotch. But because this is weekend, it would be a little more. Double the vodka shots and Scotch along with couple of Tequila quickies and a glass of nice wine. Will see what else is on the menu after that :)

March 12, 2011 07:15 AM
Just woke up about 15 minutes ago and can feel the aftermaths of what happened last night. It was only when I looked at the table and realized that I emptied the bottle of Vodka last night which was about half before I started. No wonder !!!

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Lost Faith In...

Three things that pop at the top of my head right away in which I have lost my faith completely are

1. Love - makes a man weak and insane
2. Marriage - I don't trust this word anymore
3. God - The meanest and heartless entity I have ever come across my life

Yes I know it is really shocking and unbelievable to hear that from me but as every one says, truth is always bitter and hard to hear and this is core truth. I hate the concept of Love, institution of Marriage and existence of God as much as I used to love and respect them.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Complex World

I am sorry for if I misbehave here today. I am drunk and I don’t expect to put down anything meaningful here. Life’s been such a goose chase lately. Is it the vodka or the scotch that is causing the bowl of emotions to boil and steam up or is it really me? All my life, I lived by a single rule to love and respect every individual and give everyone they crave for and I am happy that till date I have lived up to my word. I never expected anything in return from anyone except love and respect but I guess this was not a part of the game.

I always thought love spreads and respect is earned but never knew that the whole concept of spreading love and earning respect changed over the time. Today, the more you spread the poorer you become and the more you earn the higher is the probability that you will end up losing it. It’s a mean world and we all are part of it and contribute to everything in some or the other way to make a difference. I wish the world were a little different and a little better place to live. Perhaps I am living in a wrong time, a wrong era; perhaps I am really from a different generation in a completely different body. No wonder why people say that I am not of their generation and there is a gap, a gap that pushes me away from the reality, the truth and the practicality of life.

Who knows where this all is going and where this will end. All I know is that I am just listening to my heart and flowing with it and when I am there, I’ll know it, I’ll feel it.

Illusions of Life

You can spend a lifetime with a person, sleep with him, eat with him, bear him children, and at the end of the lifetime realize that you don't know that person, that you never knew that person, but all you did was live with the perception of that person, a perception that we created in our minds, and on the other hand, you meet a person for few minutes and there is something about that person that you like almost instantly. It's like you've always known that person.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Mad Scientist

Recently someone gave me the title "Mad Scientist". Yes, you read it right, Mad Scientist. Not because I am extra ordinary brainy or a gifted maniac or a real intellectual to be called so but because I look like one and over the last several months have become one too. With long gray hair hanging down the sides of my face, big black spots around the eyes, blood red eyes and a weak dragging body. When this person called me Mad Scientist, for a second I didn't realize that I was being called but when I heard "hey, you Mad Scientist", I turned back and saw him laughing at me. I asked him, were you calling me and he said who else looks like a Mad Scientist in this room :)

He then told me that perhaps in few years when all your hair will go gray and your eyes will sink deep down with black spots covering them completely, you would start looking like Sir Einstein and hearing that I couldn't stop laughing. Ultimately he proved that I am a Mad Scientist. He keeps telling me that when I am working I talk to myself and reminds him of old classic silent movies. I for sure cannot compare myself with Sir Albert Einstein, oh no, please forgive me if I hurt anyone's feelings or cause a disrespect, I respect and follow him the same way as the world does and I am certainly not even 1% like him and can never even think in my dreams of being compared with a person of that Honor and stature. But, I took that as a compliment and proudly accepted the title, Mad Scientist. After all, how many people get such compliments :)